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If any of you have ever seen the Terminator series, you know that the human race is attacked by a sentient program called SkyNet that was a government experiment aimed at creating a software program that could become smarter and learn from its own mistakes. Unfortunately for Ms. Linda Hamilton in the first two movies, Skynet became "self-aware" (I always say that with an Arnold Schwartnegger voice), and started a war that nearly wiped out humanity, and continually harassed Linda Hamilton for years, attempting to go back in time and terminate her (again....use the voice....).
So why am I bringing this up in a blog post you ask very slyly, yet with a bit of intrigue? I'll tell you. One of the main benefits I found on this program and this medifast board was the ability to gain an understanding of myself, and my weaknesses. The intense horrible cravings I had on a daily basis vanished when I entered fat-burning state, and all that was left was me and my thoughts. It took me a couple months of daily postings and lots of research on these boards, but I became SkyNet in December 2011. I became self-aware. I realized that my life is so much bigger than the food choices I make every day, and thus, I gained the knowledge necessary to resist the choices that formerly were so difficult for me.
I've posted on these threads how the diet does the work for you at first, but in the end, it's you that needs to take control and organize your life, and mend your ways. I think we can all agree, that if we're here, our lives weren't exactly in tip top shape, were they? Were any of you as unhappy and miserable as I was? Did any of you start a diet every Monday morning like I did and fail before the week was up? The failure compounded itself with every passing week. It was almost like Fate had stepped in, and I was powerless to control my eating....I was destined to be fat, so I shouldn't bother fighting it!
That foggy thinking was cleared away by Medifast, and when the fog lifted, I saw the ruins of my life as it was. It was ugly. And I saw what I needed to do to change it, and to become the person I have always wanted to be! The person I always spoke about theoretically to friends but who I never truly believed was something I could find within myself. The fog of uncertainty and indecision is still gone, even though I'm no longer on the 5&1, and I am rebuilding my life brick by heavy brick, and I'm loving every minute.
I read posts from people on here who fear Transition and Maintenance. They fear the future. They fear themselves, and their willpower to maintain the weight loss. They still think of themselves as powerless against temptation, and I hope that like me, they can become their own little SkyNet. Self-Aware and in control of every action....unafraid of what the future holds, and in fact.....open to the future with open arms and a boundless joy!
"To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason—Purpose—Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge— Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve— Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living." -- Ayn Rand |
As some of you may have noticed from recent posts, I'm no longer on the 5&1. I'm also no longer on the 4&2. I've actually transitioned all the way to Maintenance, although at this point I'm increasing exercise to continue losing weight. I still haven't identified what it was about the foods I was eating, but something on the plan was making me sick every single night. I just couldn't take the stomach aches any more. The first 5 months of this plan was easy and I felt amazing, but then all of a sudden I felt awful. I tried adjusting different types of MF foods, and L&G's. In the end, I left it, but I still have 1 MF meal per day (oatmeal in the morning), and I have 2 L&G's in addition to some whey protein bars as snacks during the day. I am NOT advocating leaving the plan! If I could still be on the 5&1 without being sick I would be! It is good to know that I could survive transition & maintenance so easily. and since starting transition a few weeks ago, I've been still losing, although alot slower. :) I'm fine with that. I'm hoping to get back on the 5&1 one of these days, perhaps in a couple months to finish this! I'm still sticking around on these boards, though. I've said it before and I'll say it again.....there's wisdom and magic on these boards, if you invest the time to interact with the amazing people here. As for me, I'm doing FABULOUS (said in a Billy Crystal voice)! I feel like I used to back in the 5&1 days. I am not having any cravings, and I made the decision that a "return to my old way of life" was not possible. There are items that I have decided have no place in my life ever again: Pizza. Candy. Bread. Donuts. Breakfast Pastries. Anything Deep-Fried. In addition to eliminating those, I've decided that unless absolutely necessary, I'm also going to seriously decrease any consumption of starchy items like rice or potatoes. I'm doing well so far, and I continue my quest toward GOAL. Like the Hobbits at the end of The Fellowship of The Ring, I'm continuing on, although on a slightly different path.... |
Even after all these years of calling myself a "professional", I still have it in me to fly off the handle and become extremely "unprofessional" in the heat of the moment. I'm speaking, of course, about the "The Great Sex Post Debacle of 2012", as it has come to be known...in my head..... I used wording in those posts that was rude. It felt okay to use them because after all....it was only the Internet and it's easy to be rude here when it's just you and a computer. I know I would have chosen my words more wisely had those people I was replying to, been in front of me. I said things dismissively to people that I have shared joy and excitement with, and I didn't censor myself when it came to the etiquette that I was preaching so loudly to everyone else. While I still believe the post to be in the poorest of tastes and inappropriate for this unmoderated board, so too was my equally obnoxious responses on the thread. I took some time off between then and now to remind myself about a character trait I've been striving for so desperately, and that's to become a more charitable person. Nothing is solved through yelling, and anger breeds more anger. The lesson has been learned. I feel a bit bruised from the experience, and I am now focused even more so on the weight loss portion of this website, and am going to make a more concerted effort to focus mostly on being a positive force, instead of what I was back then. |
Liver: the AST & ALT enzymes are significantly lower, although not perfect. Gonna see how they are in 4 weeks. Blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc: Just like Mary Poppins...."Practically Perfect in every way....except the liver" I wonder if Mary Poppins ever had liver problems. Hmmmmm. Spoonful of sugar, Mary???!!!??? Really????!!!!???? FACE IT MARY POPPINS! YOU'RE A SUGAR ADDICT! Sugar as medicine? oh honey....get help. |
So, I'm 6 months into the diet and I took my second round of liver tests yesterday. My AST & ALT liver enzymes are off the charts. in a bad way. My doctor was so concerned he called me this morning a week earlier than my scheduled appt next wednesday.
I told them it's one of two things: 1) I got super sick on this diet over a month ago with super-yellow urine, etc, and have since transitioned to a 4&2....and sometimes a 3&3 (yes...I admit it). Still have been losing, but I'm no longer burning fat like I was during the 5&1. 2) I've had extreme back & arm pain for the past 2.5 weeks due to a pinched nerve in my upper left back. I've been taking Percocet (Oxycodone/Acetaminophen tab 5-325mg) all this time up until the labs. I know pain relievers negatively affect the liver and cause the liver to expel the AST & ALT enzymes. So....that might be it too.
I'm wondering what will happen. I hope it's the percocet. I hope it's not my diet. Keep your fingers crossed..... |
I feel like most everything I say is already known or knowable. But I've been having interactions lately with people on here (both positive and negative) that continues to enlighten me and give further clarity into people that diet successfully and those that don't understand what it takes to take the weight off and keep it off.
Whenever someone falls off the wagon, or does something wrong or is having an off day, we all encourage them to "get back on track"! Do the 5&1! Stick to the plan! And while I believe this to be the correct advice, there's supplementary advice that needs to be given, and that's the internal advice that needs to ignite the flame burning inside someone's chest. The fire that will give that person their own incentive to stay on plan and to stay focused on what's important. A fire that will change them.....and I apologize for this clumsy over-used reference, but perhaps the flame of a Phoenix burning away the old self and making a new one? :) I know! Totally! Cheesy! lol.
This type of advice, unfortunately, can only be given and "take hold" within someone if that person is ready to hear it and understand what it really means. And most people don't want to hear this. Most people are looking for the diet that will get them to the destination they're looking to be at, with as little effort as possible. They want to get inside a vehicle, close the door and have the vehicle take them to the end of where they want to be. Unfortunately, if they're not willing to do the work on their inner self, unbeknownst to them......it's a rollercoaster they're entering. It's a rollercoaster that, in the end, will take them right back to where they started. And that's why so many people gain the weight back! They haven't learned anything. They haven't truly changed their life, or their habits. They changed the outside, but not the inside. They did well on the diet and think that the results will somehow hold with the more compliments they get from people.
Compliments and Encouragements on weight loss won't keep the weight off. And I almost feel like it's a false ego that people look to receive, because to truly keep the weight off, it's going to be a ruthless and strict dedication that will be needed. a nonstop lifelong battle, unfortunately. And I think that that's what terrifies us as we reach the end of hitting goal. no more crutches and no more strict guidelines. At this point....do you take your rollercoaster off the tracks and navigate it on your own???? Or do you stay on the track, knowing exactly where that will lead! I'm terrified of my own weak will, and I'm afraid that there will be days where I will be tempted to jump on the rollercoaster track again....to have someone else do the work for me, when I'm too tired to do it myself.
I need to stay strong and remember that my losing this weight isn't the diet that's working on me...changing me from the outside-in. It's me using this diet as a vehicle....it's my inside affecting my outside. Medifast is only a tool. People that treat the tool as the only motive power in their life are standing still, and unfortunately, the rollercoaster ride will eventually take them back to the place they were trying to depart from. Sadly.
So, let's make this permanent! Let's not be afraid to take certain foods out of our life for good! Let's stand tall and proud and live our life with or without the foods we think we "can't live without"! you're leaving Fat City....don't look back! :)
"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision." - Ayn Rand
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As of this morning, I am exactly 10 pounds away from hitting 125 pounds lost on this diet. unbelievable!
However. Am I really ready for this? Am I ready for the decision I will have to make on that day?......
Stay tuned! |
I'm adding on to the last entry I made regarding me not being able to eat the MF food. well....since this past Sunday I have felt amazing. Is it possible I had some sort of stomach or intestinal infection that has since cleared up? or maybe a parasite from all the sushi I was eating? I also seriously cut down on ALL sucralose type of items (diet sodas, flavored syrups, pancake syrup, splenda, etc). I've also been eating less soy (eating chicken instead of boca burgers, etc). So....what happened? I cannot wait to speak to my doctor after getting the blood tests in a couple weeks!!!!
I'm so confused. I was prepared to exit medifast, but here I am reconsidering because I'm feeling so much better now! Just ate my oatmeal and feel fantastic! I'm also down 3 pounds since last Friday, and I'm still on the 4&2. it's almost like switching to the 4&2 has sped up my weight loss because I lost 4 pounds last week, and I'm set to lose 3-4 pounds this week too, when before I was doing about 2 pounds a week for a while on the 5&1. (but then again....here I go looking at individual weeks, when I'm the one always preaching about that not being totally accurate!! And one must focus on the long-term losses!!!!)
I'm just going to go with it. I can't leave this system. it's too amazing and I really want to reach goal before the end of the year! :)
Very happy today. |
A close friend of mine that I've known since kindergarden told me a story about a mutual friend of ours. Her name is Vicki. Vicki is.....how do I say this....adorably clueless? I exaggerate using the word "adorably", but am dead serious about the "clueless" part. Vicki is the type of clueless that makes you groan and makes you want to shake some sense into her.
This story is true. It was related from the horse's mouth to my close friend who related it to me last week, and it happened about 4 weeks ago. Here we go....
So, this girl Vicki (and I use the term "girl" because she's immature, even though she's like 36-37yo), was late driving to work one day and was speeding to get there. What can go wrong, will go wrong and in Vicki's case in this instance, she saw a police officer pull out in behind her and she knew that she was going to get a ticket. Being the super-devious tricky girl that she is, Vicki turned right at the next street, and immediately parked in front of a random apartment complex, thinking to herself that perhaps the lazy police officer would cut off his pursuit if he knew she was already at her destination. Poor. Clueless. Vicki.
The Po-Po did NOT break off pursuit, and so, seeing the Po-po pull in back of her parked car, Vicki proceeded to walk towards the complex, only to be stopped from going into the building by said po-po, telling her she was speeding and then asking her where she was going (as obviously...he had pulled up her records and knew this wasn't her residence....duh!).
Knowing she had to make up a lie, and in her sweetest, most desperate voice, Vicki said she was late for work and was supposed to pick up a package from a friend in this building to take with her. The officer told her that it was okay for her to pick up the package, but she needed to come right back so he could issue her a ticket for speeding.
So Vicki went into this random building where she had never been and again....quick-thinking girl that she was...she realized she needed to make it APPEAR like she wasn't lying to him, and that she truly knew someone at this building. Maintaining appearance and innocence is apparently the most important thing to her at this point. So sweet girl that she thinks she is, she picks up a random package in the vestibule that wasn't even HERS, and she goes back out to her car. After speaking to her and because she was running late to work, the officer said he wasn't going to give her a ticket, but WAS going to give her a fix-it ticket for her rear tail lights.
I'm a bit fuzzy at this point in the story as related from my friend. I know that at some point, a woman from the building started yelling and screaming at them both from the 2nd or 3rd floor window, saying that that girl (Vicki) stole her package. I believe this was as Vicki was about to pull off, but here's where I'm fuzzy: The police officer asked her if she did take anything that wasn't hers and she denied it. So the police officer told her he would deal with the woman, and said it was okay for Vicki to leave.
Vicki drives off, freaking out about lying to a police officer, as well as committing a FEDERAL CRIME by stealing someone's mail and so she circles a couple times to see if she can put the package back, but the cop is still there.
So, she leaves, goes to work, and on the advice of a MORE idiotic friend who told her to "get rid of the evidence!!!!", she put the package inside of a UPS bin, even though the package was a US Postal Service package, not a UPS package!!! (insert comical hysterical ridiculous laughter here).
Vicki lived in terror for the next couple weeks. There was knocking at her door, and she received a few messages on her machine from the police officer indicating that he was outside her complex and could she please come let him in if she was home. She knew he was stopping by a few times, but she kept all her lights off except in her bedroom, and she pretended for over a week and a half that she wasn't home. But Vicki!!!!....things like this don't go away, dear! As expected (although maybe not by Vicki), she received the threatening phone call from the police officer telling her she had committed a federal crime and a warrant would be issued for her arrest if she didn't return his phone call.
The word "hysterical" doesn't quite conjure up what Vicki was feeling at this moment, although "comical" and "ridiculous" sure do a great job of describing her rationale.
As an aside....as my friend was telling me this story, I kept exclaiming "you're lying!" "That did NOT happen!" "WTF is wrong with her!?!???" Ladies and Gentlemen...it's all true. And based on other Vicki stories....I can actually believe it.
So, she calls him back and what does she do? She lies AGAIN!!!! ...telling him she was out of town since that day, and that she realized the package wasn't hers when she got to work, and because she needed to go out of town that night, she just put it into a UPS bin. (!!!!!) Well at least she told a portion of the truth, right?
So, the police officer told her she needed to rectify the situation and call the lady to make restitution. He gives Vicki the phone number and Vicki immediately calls the lady and offers to write a check for the amount of whatever was in the package. The lady is taken aback and asks how she got the phone number. After learning that the Po-Po gave it to her, this lady calls the police officer and completely REAMS. HIM. OUT. about giving her personal information out to someone who stole something from her. Essentially, giving the thief the personal information of the person the thief stole from! And let's face it people....this poor woman *does* have a point.
So the officer, knowing he made a major mistake, left a seriously threatening message for Vicki telling her to stop harassing the woman and that he would be in contact with her shortly. That's the last that anyone heard about the situation, but I'm dying to find out what happens after this! To Be Continued????? Will Vicki get arrested? Will the woman ever get her package from the UPS? Will the Police Officer get his man???? Stay tuned!!!!!
At this point, you're probably asking yourself: "Why is Steve telling us this story? What does this have to do with Medifast?" Well, I'll tell you.
My friend told Vicki she was a complete idiot....but then again, he calls everyone an idiot. But you know what knowledge and universal truth Vicki learned from this whole twisted "so crazy it has to be true" experience? Vicki learned that lying puts "bad energy" into the universe. No Vicki. you didn't "put bad energy out" in the universe. YOU STOLE A PACKAGE, LIED TO A POLICE OFFICER AND TRIED TO EVADE THE POLICE WHEN YOU WERE CAUGHT! Bad Energy? Karma? Let's not soften the offense here Vicki. Let's come back to reality, shall we?
I'll bet you're still waiting for why I posted this....
I posted this because I am a cynical man. I read postings on this message board occasionally that don't make SENSE! (i.e. I have been 100% OP for the past 6 weeks and I haven't lost a single pound), and I think to myself: If someone like Vicki exists, who can rationalize the insanity that is her life and ignore REALITY, then there are people out there JUST LIKE HER....that are capable of lying to everyone on the Medifast boards. Lying for whatever reason suits them: Maybe it's to pretend to themselves that they're actually trying on this diet? Or Maybe it's to make us honest Medifasters run about like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to help this person and give them the undeserved attention they crave so voraciously!...because they're obviously not here to diet but to get attention from other human beings. and the kicker about this is that we can't ask them if they're lying. We can only grill them about their daily habits, and when we find something that is completely off-base, we're accused of being on a witch-hunt when we point out inconsistencies!
But that's just the cynical part of me speaking. ;) |
Well. I've lost 110 pounds in 23 weeks. I've done really well on this program, but I have come to the conclusion that I cannot deal with the amount of stomach issues anymore that I've been having over the past 3-4 weeks. I thought could muscle through it and stay on the plan, but even after switching to a 4&2 (and losing 4 pounds last week), I am going to be transitioning off of the Medifast foods.
This doesn't mean I'm leaving. I love these boards, and I am thinking I will continue to incorporate some of the foods into my daily rituals (i.e. peach or apple/cinnamon oatmeal in the morning), but I have run my course. I'm both sad and depressed about this decision, as I know I would have gotten to goal on this plan, but my body is telling me that "something is up", both in the pain in my stomach, but also in the really dark yellow urine I've been having the past couple weeks. It behooves me to listen to my body right now, even against my desires to stay on the plan.
I'm still going to be here, checking in and making fun of people here (all in good taste, of course), but I'm going to be transitioning off in the next couple weeks. :(
My plan of action going forward:
- Continue to eat every few hours. I know that kept me sane and in control of my desires.
- My main meals going forward until I hit my goal are going to be Lean & Greens just like I learned to eat here. I LOVE making Lean & Greens, and I have found flavor and satisfaction in dishes I never knew I could before.
- I'm still going to be doing 2 L&G's per day supplemented with 4 other "meals". One or two of which will be a Medifast product, and supplemented with nuts, or protein bars from the store.
- I'm going to make a conscious effort to eliminate sucralose and soy from my diet. My brain is telling me that they have been messing with me, especially being a guy and eating soy.
- I'm going to start a more regular exercise regimen, in addition to the long hikes in the hills that I already do on weekends. Now that my knees don't hurt (yay!!!!!), I can see myself getting back to the gym. I'm very excited about this.
- I know what my addictions are. And I plan on cutting out bread products as well as refined sugars. Those trigger addiction foods no longer have a place in my life....not even as a "taste". I'm also not going to tell anyone else that I'm no longer doing this plan because until I know I'm as strong as Tina Turner or Pat Benatar, I cannot have anyone urging me to go eat "real food" somewhere and try to tempt me.
Overall, while I am a tiny bit terrified of this "unknown" i'm heading back into, I know my will is strong. any of you who have read my blog entries know the epiphanies I have made regarding the "big picture" of my life, and you should all know I'm in it to get to the finish line. My friend's daughter is 15yo and she's running the LA marathon this sunday. I have a new goal in my life that I will be adding to my bucket list, and that's for me to run a marathon one day. I picture myself....crossing the finish line...holding up high above my head: a pair of 54 waist shorts....
I'm still here. I'm not leaving. I am not quitting. And I will be updating my ticker weekly as well as providing as much emotional support and hard-hitting tough love that you can handle!!!! :P
....Steve
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I read so many postings from people who cheat or who feel that they are destined to cheat based on the emotional struggles they're going through. And they post about how they can't help themselves and they ask for advice. How do you prevent yourself from going off plan? What are your tricks?
It's difficult for me when I read those types of posts. I want people to want to succeed. I want them to be strong, but what words can I offer them to spark that inner self-control? What are the magic words?
WE control our actions. WE choose to eat or not. No one straps us down and force feeds us. Unless, you're a BDSM Sub/Dom Food Fetishist, that is. But please....how many of us use that excuse? Not many I'd imagine. :P
So, it comes down to our strength of will. And for some, it comes down to the games we play inside our heads. The tricks we use to trick our inner food-beast into ignoring our cravings. The hours and hours of planning we come up with to avoid temptation, not realizing that Temptation WILL COME TO US! It always does. That evil Food Seductress! That tasty tasty temptation! Plotting ways to surprise us unexpectedly so we cram that food into our mouths! :)
I don't think the tricks will work....at least not in the long term. I don't think the crutches can hold us for long. People post on the boards about other people telling them they'll "just gain the weight back" once they start eating "normal food". It's such a simplistic, uneducated and horribly erroneous way to look at it, but those people are still in the mode of thinking that one must follow a certain diet path in order to lose the weight permanently....as if it's one of those novels you read where you choose what page you want to go to, and there are multiple endings, and if you choose the Medifast path and turn to page 153, oops! You've gained all the weight back! And you then are forced to think they are correct because you failed, and you start over again at the beginning of the book and take another diet...another path.
No one sets our path. No one tells us what will or will not happen in our lives, as if one path is destined to be a certain overall result....especially as it relates to our food consumption and overall fitness.
I have always been mired in the details. The number of points. The number of calories. The types of food.....carb, protein, fat, non-fat, sugar-free, vegan, etc. While these details are important, they're only details, and when presented with a problem I hadn't mentally prepared myself for, I failed....sometimes. I was so buried in details. I didn't see the big picture: My life is much bigger than I let myself truly understand. My existance and my goals are more important than a little bite of food. or a chocolate shake. or a fruit pie. My goals, and my ambitions, and my journey is so much more than the food, especially when that food interferes with my emotions, or my desire to go outside my house because of the shame my overeating has caused me.
I want to be a writer. But I never go out and MEET people. I stay home. I watch TV. If I were to become a writer right now, what I would communicate would be a rehash of a television series joke, or a documentary or a social issue, or a news report that someone else has already modified and creatively filtered for my reviewing. That's not creative at all.
If I lived in a white room my whole life with nothing on the walls and a TV whose only station was the CW, I would know nothing about anything outside that room except a sexy teenage Superman, sexy back-stabbing Vampires, and lots of Teenage Angst. lol. I limit myself with my exposure to life, and what I love to do is crippled according to how much I meet other people and create new memories and situations to draw from. And the food I obsessively consume keeps me indoors, and I will NEVER GO ANYWHERE if I don't upend everything. If I don't brutally refuse to eat the dessert. If I don't kindly rebuff food/alcohol advances from friends at parties.
I can't do what I want to do unless I adjust my eating patterns, and release the shame I have felt. Isn't that crazy? one wouldn't think that becoming a writer is dependant on eating healthy. But for me? It is. Medifast has given me a jumpstart on correcting this problem, but I need to own it completely without the crutch of Medifast or any other diet. It all starts inside of me with my convictions and goals.
Looking at food now is different to me. I no longer see a delicious pizza. I see chains tying me to a state of unhappiness. My company provides bagels every Monday and donuts ever Wednesday. I no longer see a temptation in them. I see an obstacle to me being in a speedo on a beach in Hawaii (see old blog posting on 2012 Goals & Bucket List).
If any of you struggling realized how much more important you are than the temporary food you're eating, you would come to realize that staying away from trigger foods is the easiest thing in the world. I wrote this in a response on the boards recently and it helped spark this blog entry: "My life, and YOUR life, is much bigger and grander than the stupid glass of champagne, or those donuts. Lift up your head, and put your life into perspective by laying out what your goals are in this life, and know that you can do this. You are stronger than your cravings. We are bigger than our desires."
Give yourself a reason to resist. A reason so big and beautiful and shiny and wonderful that becoming the person you want to become will be so very simple.
"Man cannot survive except through his mind. He comes on earth unarmed. His brain is his only weapon." -- Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead |
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