Mother nature is a cruel b*tch. Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
As you can see, Pickles is in complete agreement with the first sentence of this post. You can tell by the expression on her black fuzzy face. That right there is a dog frown.
I am so completely DONE with all this snow. I've been out to shovel now twice today, and 3 times yesterday. My body is in shock. All these years of being a lard ass I've totally perfected the art of not exercising. I've become a master of the lazy couch potato technique of life. Even during my time on Medifast, I've been very careful to not accidentally exercise, except for my occasional bouts of dance fever with the Wii Just Dance game (unless you're counting "romantic encounters", because then I've exercised more than Michael Phelps during the olympics. I'm just sayin').
I don't avoid exercise because it's bad. I am aware that it is, in fact, good. At least that's what "they" say. But "they" say a lot of things, and I never listened before. Why should I start now? When the couch is sitting there, in its come hither way, looking so inviting? Come here you sexy couch....You didn't think I was going to actually stand up and do something today did you?
I don't exercise because my idea of an almost perfect day is filled with countless idle hours of facebookery, blog readin' and writin', reading ebooks, and marathons of Hoarders and Battlestar Gallactica. Throw Dan in there on the couch next to me and it's actually a Perfect Day. And this Perfect Day has absolutely no room for anything domestic. Not cooking. Not cleaning. And most certainly not snow removing!
The snow had other plans for me today though. Perfect Day is not in Snow's vocabulary. But I did it. I had to forgo my dreams of a Perfect Day, and caved to the pressure of the Snow. This isn't snow. It's Snow. Anyway, I shoveled, and henceforth I exercised, albeit under duress and protest.
Those mounds of snow you see up in Exhibit A were formed by yours truly. I dug and I dug and I dug until I had a space just wide enough to squeeze my car through (not that I have anywhere to go, who the hell goes out in this?). I have to confess, that had this snow storm come in November, I'd be totally screwed. I'm down 36 pounds now, and believe me, 36 pounds makes a difference when you have to move around. There was no huffing and no puffing at all with all this forced exercise. For that I have this program to thank.
I can't even imagine how many calories I've burned between yesterday and today. The muscles in my arms are now bulging masses of iron. My legs muscles are taut and firm. My buns are not just like steel; they are steel. And of course this is no surprise. After all, I've shoveled the equivalent of five thousand tons of snow with my own two hands. I'm friggin' amazing!
So how do I feel?
I feel like ass. And I promise you, if I see another snowflake ever again, I'm going to go postal. Either that or you'll find me in a dark corner of my home sucking my thumb.
Oh. The humanity.