It's been insanely busy. I've lost my mind, and so I took a step away from blogging and from this site because I thought I might implode.
I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago (that's me up there on vacation. Like my bra strap? I know. Total. Class. Act.) , went off plan and stuffed myself with carbs and literally gained 10 pounds in a week. How sick is that? The good news is I'm already down 3 pounds since coming back. I'm struggling to get back on plan 100%. Stress is a killer for me, and the stress of work, house hunting, and wedding planning has been viewed by me like a ticket to eat my face off.
Not a good thing, I know. And I'm getting back on the wagon. I swear. I just ordered a huge shipment of Medifast, complete with pancakes and ice cream to help stave off that carb monster.
Now let me bring you up to speed.
The House:
Totally fell through. We found this really nice house, in a really nice town. It looked great, but after inspection we learned that there were about $100,000 of necessary repairs lurking there. That seemed overwhelming, and the sellers were really difficult people, and finally the deal just crumbled. We're looking for another house, but for now, there's not much on the market (summer is reaaaally slow).
So it looks like Dan and I will be either :
A. Living in my tiny house after we get married till we find something better, stepping over each other to get to the bathroom and the kitchen;
B. Living in a cardboard box, which might be bigger than my current home; or
C. Living an hour apart until we find a bigger home.....( This one's never gonna fly!)
The Dress:
My friend Rachel has really taken the bull by the horns with all this wedding stuff, and has marshaled me into action with all things fashion. She's in the fashion industry, and so she took it upon herself to call J Crew, set up my appointment, select the dresses to try on....It was awesome! I didn't have to even think! Which was a great thing, because I'd never have selected any of the dresses that ended up looking good on me.
The bridal chick at J. Crew measured me for my dress. Get this. I measured 37- 28- 40. I'm now a size 10 in the boobs (can't be helped, the things are friggin' ginormous, and old righty is just not helping things in that department, she's HUGE!). I'm a size 6 in the waist, and a size 8 in the hips. I'm a freaking mutant! So don't call me Sam. Don't Call me Shrinkinglawchick.
I'm Ms. 37-28-40 !
Things heard from the dressing room as I tried on the slew of dresses:
"Hello, Cellulite!" (That was mine- I'm so proud)
"So that's why girls get married in their 20's!" (Suzanne's contribution upon seeing me in a particularly unforgiving gown)
"Holy, Sh*t! You look anorexic in that gown!" (Rachel's contribution, which had me in stitches)
Can you guess which dress I bought? Hell, if I look anorexic, I'm buying it. Oh, and you know how bridal gowns are always in one size when you try them? And you have to then order one to fit? I was fitting into these size 8s. Well, most of them. Granted, my boobs were like 10 pounds of sausage in a 5 pound bag, and in that size I looked like I was ready to slide down some pole in a seedy part of town, not get married, but a lot of the dresses actually zipped up!
All I can say is, Thank Ye, Medifast!
The good news is I got a dress. We ordered size 10 to accommodate my bazzooms, and the seamstress will make the rest of the dress fit. The bad news is that Rachel and Suz think I still need to wear Spanx, regardless of the weight loss. It's true, you could see some of my lovely cellulite through the material of some of these dresses.....
Curse you, Cellulite!
Underpants:
I went dress shopping with my mom yesterday. She needs a gown for the wedding. Mom hasn't always been so interested in clothing, probably because in years past she was heavier. But now? Post Medifast and weighing at about 135 pounds? She's lovin' it. Still, she's a little rusty in the clothing trying on department. I'm probably going to have to write her a little rule book for future fittings.
So we were at Nordstom's in their nice dressing rooms, and the saleswoman comes into my mom's room to help. I'm asking her if she can suggest any other dresses. Which is when it happened.
Mom looks at the saleswoman and announces "I'm not wearing any underpants".
Which sends Nordstom's Saleswoman literally bolting out of the room. I look at my mother and say "You just told that woman you have on no underpants at all". She looked at me, and a moment of silence passed between us. And then we both began to laugh.
Of course, mom had on undies! She just didn't have on Spanx, or appropriate "evening undies". Regardless, the saleswoman completely disappeared from that point on, and we were pretty much on our own.
Some people are so uptight!
I'll have to make a little handy booklet for mom, with tips such as "Do wear underwear.", "Do not tell saleswoman you have no undies on" and so on.
The Wrap Up:
So that should bring you sufficiently up to speed. I've porked up, have no house to live in after I'm married, I've got a wedding gown, and my mother doesn't wear underpants.
Whew.