ThinHope : Embarrased to lose 100 pounds

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February 2012

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ThinHope's Warrior Blog

Embarrased to lose 100 pounds

It's completely embarrassing. Isn't it? I mean, sure, it's a great achievement, but dang, I had 100 pounds to lose! Who lets themselves get that way? Isn't the fact that I lost weight just a statement that I don't have the control of myself to have not gained it in the first place?

Went out for drinks after work to say good-bye to one of my employees. It was 3 women (including me) and about 7 guys. At some point, it came up about weight and eating and whatever. I said something about the fact that I lost over a hundred pounds and I'm keeping it off. For the very first time, I had this rush of embarrassment that I had said it. All of those things that really hadn't occurred to me (all that in the first paragraph) came into my head and I got momentarily speechless, which is a shock in and of itself!

Thankfully, that moment of angst was immediatrly followed with the defensive part of me that jumped up. I even said out loud that I know I should probably be embarrassed by having that much to lose in the first place, but DAMN, I did it! and I'm proud that I did it! and I'm now dedicated to helping others do it.

And I am.

Someone else said to me the other day "I can barely remember you the way you used to be." OMG. I'm starting to go past the "formerly fat girl" to being just me...slim, healthy me. That's a huge milestone.

But you know what, it makes me want to wear a big photo button on my chest with a large "before" picture. I want people to know it is possible to regain your health. It is possible to be the person you wanted to be (thanks Stacy!) and it is possible to do it without surgery.

And let's face it...there are a LOT more people in this world that are obese and need that hope than there are thin people that would look down on someone who had 100 pounds to lose.

So am I embarrassed to have lost 100 pounds?

I'm more proud of it that I can possibly relate.

Join me, won't you?

Warrior on!

Lee

Published Friday, February 03, 2012 10:40 AM by ThinHope

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

caml48 said:

And you should be proud for losing 100 pounds, but even more is keeping it off. Only us folks realize what a feat this is. You rock!!

February 03, 2012 10:45 AM EST

Dazri said:

If someone could spot me 1lbs, I'd love to join you! I can't believe I had 89lbs to lose when I started. As soon as I faced that fact (I had been in denial for a long time) I was ready to get rid of it! 65 down - 24 more to go!!

February 03, 2012 10:49 AM EST

orgtrack said:

Looking forward to releasing another 11.6 and joining you in the -100 club! Rock on!

February 03, 2012 10:55 AM EST

kpapa64 said:

I think you should be very proud.

Of course people notice that I am dieting because of the meals and such. They say, "you don't need to lose weight your tall". I say, "yes I do". At first I would not tell them how much I weight. I was ashamed of the weight I gained. Now I tell everyone my weight because I think it helps them to understand. I explain to them them the physical things that I notice such as my feet swelling, my knees and hips hurting and the waddling when I walk. They usually ask about my cholesterol. I tell them it's good, but I don't want it to become bad and that's why the drastic diet. All of the sudden it's like a light goes on for them and they become very supportive. I also hope that by telling them it will help me stay commited to this journey.

February 03, 2012 11:05 AM EST

amy144 said:

You are so inspiring! Thank you!

February 03, 2012 12:32 PM EST

Jschm43063 said:

i totally get the embarrassed part.
the analogy that brought it all home to me was one i'll borrow from poster andydufresne (forgive me if i spelled that wrong).
she said that it takes a certain amount of energy to keep a train moving once it's already moving.
it takes a good bit more energy to move a train that is stopped.
it takes an incredible amount of energy, power, will, and strength to move a stopped train up an incline.
those of us who have attempted to move a stopped train (or even one that was barreling in the wrong direction) up an incline and are succeeding, have done an amazing thing. i will choose not to waste my precious mental energy on dwelling on the embarrassment of having to do that in the first place. i will dwell on the accomplishment it is and be proud that i found it in me to do it!

February 03, 2012 01:01 PM EST

Ican1969 said:

It's incredible that you posted this. The other day, someone came by the house and I had an old picture on the diningroom table and he said that he didn't even remember me looking like that. It's like the old me didn't even exist. Now when I tell someone I've lost over 100 pounds, I'm not embarrased, I'm on the defensive because they look at me like I'm telling a lie. I think before we started this journey, we were invisible.

February 03, 2012 01:09 PM EST

shored said:

Totally have the same thought sometimes... when people ask me how much more I have right after telling them I've lost 65... but here is the thing with that, they always tell me after I tell them my "goal weight" that there is no way I'm 40 lbs away from it... one thought I was already there... WOW! My other thought is that, they've seen me at my heaviest.. it's no secret that I was a fatty, and so why be embarrassed that I'm fixing the problem. I think it shows a lot of strength to admit you have a problem and to do the work to fix it! And most of the people I am around, are too impressed to be judgmental, so it's just me...

February 03, 2012 01:44 PM EST

kb1968 said:

Your welcome Lee! And just think of how embarrassed you would have been if you had NOT lost the 100 lbs? =)

Sometimes we get used to feeling "normal" and we forget the shame and the denial and sheer heartache that came along with that 100 lbs.

You are living proof that when you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. =) YOU are MY hero!

February 03, 2012 01:52 PM EST

kb1968 said:

You're welcome Lee! And just think of how embarrassed you would have been if you had NOT lost the 100 lbs? =)

Sometimes we get used to feeling "normal" and we forget the shame and the denial and sheer heartache that came along with that 100 lbs.

You are living proof that when you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. =) YOU are MY hero!

**EDITED AND REPOSTED BECAUSE OF THE HORRENDOUS GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING FAUX PAS IN THE FIRST SENTENCE LOL!***

February 03, 2012 01:53 PM EST

pronoya said:

[just sitting quietly and letting this sink in]

February 03, 2012 01:53 PM EST

PattyR said:

Your so funny Lee..lol.. I love your blogs...

February 03, 2012 03:31 PM EST

shw_1957 said:

It's crossed my mind, too (on my behalf - not yours!) I spent so many years NOT telling anyone how much I weighed that to admit to it now can sometimes feel very strange. I didn't even tell DH my starting weight until I'd lost around 80 lbs I think.

But then, like you, the pride in my accomplishment takes over. I'd rather be a little embarrassed and encourage someone else than to pretend I've been at a "normal" weight for the last 30 years.

February 03, 2012 07:09 PM EST

tlhpruitt said:

Yes, that feeling of embarrasment comes. I was at a family function and my sister in lasw announced to her 80ish year old God-Aunt that I had lost 125 pounds. The old biddy looked at me and said with disdain "How did you let yourself get that big?" I was floored. I got up and just remarked in a "don't mess with me way," "It was easy!" I thought she was mean and insensitive (which she is). I thought that I had finnaly been able to honestly tell people my starting weight. I remember, here on the boards,the day I admitted that 282 was not my heaviest and that I had lost 9 pound before starting the program. I didn't tell anyone my weight. I was emabarrassed. But after about 70 or 80 pounds off, I began to shout it losud. That day, I felt like retreating and it took a few moments for me to regain my composure. I am proud of what I have accomplished and like you have referred many to the program. I am committed to helping others and have plans on becoming a HC myself. I feel like you; I should carry my before pic around so people will know that there is hope and that I am no special human speciman. If I can, so can they. Keep blogging Lee! You are so appreciated!
:)
Terri

February 03, 2012 09:21 PM EST

guard121 said:

Great blog hon!

February 06, 2012 04:31 PM EST

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